Control the Controllable: What Pregnancy at 40 Taught Me About Letting Go

I'm five months pregnant at 40, and for the first time in my life, I don't have a solid plan.

If you know me at all, you know this is seismic. I'm a self-proclaimed serial planner. The woman who had her entire first pregnancy mapped out by the second trimester—baby registry completed, career trajectory plotted, even my husband's schedule coordinated. I've spent 20 years in leadership believing that control equals success, that having a plan means having power.

But here's what I'm learning: life never goes according to our plan. You can be the best planner in the world, but I truly believe our journey to the end goal is in control of the universe. And the older I get, the more I realize that following my intuition and going with the flow hasn't made me less successful—it's made my life more enjoyable and far less stressful.

So this time, I'm doing something different. I'm creating what I call a "light" plan—timelines for when specific things need to be in place, but without the crushing pressure of needing everything figured out right now. In the end, there will be a plan. But there's no pressure if things don't go according to it. And that shift in mindset? It's changing everything.

The Brain: The CEO You've Been Ignoring

Here's what fascinates me about this transformation: it all starts with how we train our brains.

I was recently listening to a podcast featuring Dr. Tara Swart, a neuroscientist, executive coach, and MIT lecturer, and she said something that stopped me in my tracks. She described the brain as the CEO of our bodies—it literally controls everything we do, feel, and experience. If we train our brains the right way, we can all meet and exceed our true potential. But most people don't believe in their true potential. They talk themselves down from what they can achieve in life before they even start.

This hit me hard because I realized how fortunate I've been. I grew up with parents who always encouraged me to go after what I wanted. I was never made to believe that I couldn't achieve whatever I put my mind to. There was no negative self-talk in my upbringing—if I didn't achieve a goal, the response wasn't "you failed" but rather "what do you need to do differently?"

I grew up with the mindset that whatever I do, I'm going to strive to be the best at it. And looking back, I can see how this foundation prepared me for the moments that don't go according to plan. It gave me faith in the process, trust in my capabilities, and permission to follow my intuition.

But I also coach enough people to know that not everyone had this upbringing. Many had quite the opposite—they were negatively talked down to, told they couldn't accomplish anything, raised in anxious households where the glass was always half empty. If that's your story, please hear me: navigating life's twists and turns as an adult becomes an extreme uphill battle when your internal voice is working against you instead of for you.

And here's where most of us get it wrong: we focus outwardly to try and fix our internal issues.

The Problem with Looking Outside for Inside Solutions

When you focus outwardly, you put control in others' hands. You're giving events around you control over your actions and emotions. You're letting circumstances dictate your state of mind. And that's exhausting.

This is why I'm such a big advocate for self-care—real self-care, not just bubble baths and face masks (though those are nice too). I'm talking about the kind of self-care that starts with asking yourself better questions:

• What do I control in this situation?

• How do I want to feel in this moment?

• Is this a me problem or a them problem?

These aren't just prompts—they're practices. They're how you begin the habit of focusing on the controllable and reducing stress levels and burnout. And yes, it all stems from our brain activity and the patterns we've trained it to follow.

Five Daily Habits That Actually Protect Your Brain

Dr. Tara shares five simple daily habits to protect your brain from stress and burnout, and I can personally vouch for every single one because they've been part of my routine for years:

1. Journaling: The more you keep trapped in your head, the more you spin out of control. Write down your thoughts and feelings to help guide your decisions in life. Get it out of your brain and onto paper.

2. Breathwork: Notice your breathing in stressful situations. If you're feeling anxious, take a moment to step back and listen to your breath. It's the fastest way to signal safety to your nervous system.

3. Stay Hydrated: Stress can make our hair and skin drier. We need to keep our bodies nourished with lots of water. Your brain is 75% water—treat it accordingly.

4. Talk About It: Find a trusted friend or professional to share what's on your mind. Isolation amplifies anxiety. Connection dissolves it.

5. Getting Out in Nature: Take 10-30 minutes to just be outside and notice the beauty in the nature around you. It literally resets your nervous system.

The benefits? Fewer things get under my skin. I move on more quickly from unwanted situations. I truly feel like I'm thriving in my career and personal life. And most importantly, I'm having fun. I'm leaning into my purpose and the signs the universe is throwing my way.

Micro Goals Over Major Pressure

I'm less focused on the end goal now and more focused on the steps right in front of me. Setting micro goals and habits to go along with them helps keep you focused on the positives and—I believe—gets you to your end goal more successfully than setting one major goal and constantly beating yourself up because you're nowhere near accomplishing it.

Think about it: would you rather climb a mountain by focusing on the peak you can't even see yet, or by focusing on the next solid foothold in front of you? Both get you to the top, but only one keeps you sane along the way.

It Starts With What You Tell Yourself

Here's my simple message, the one I share with every client I coach: Control the controllable, and it starts with your brain.

Mind over matter isn't just a catchy phrase—it's the first principle I teach because everything truly does start with what you believe is your WHY and the things you tell yourself every day.

Old me needed to have it all figured out. New me understands that the journey is the point. I'm five months pregnant, entering my 40s, and I finally get it: the plan will reveal itself. My job isn't to force it—it's to stay present, trust my intuition, and take the next right step.

What's the next right step for you?