Are You Failing Yourself? Find Your Self-Care Why and Reclaim Your Life

"The worst thing that can happen is you fail, but you're already failing yourself by not living the life you want." – Shonda Rhimes

I had to sit with this quote for a minute when I first read it. Because isn't that the truth we don't want to admit? We're so busy taking care of everyone else, putting out fires, managing schedules, and showing up for our families and careers that we've completely abandoned ourselves in the process.

And here's the thing – we've convinced ourselves that this is just how it has to be. That self-care is something other people do. People with more time, more money, fewer responsibilities. People who aren't us.

But what if I told you that thinking is exactly what's keeping you stuck?

The Self-Care Myths We Tell Ourselves

Ambitious working moms – and I'm talking to myself here too – we've mastered the art of justifying why we can't prioritize ourselves. Self-care feels selfish when your kids need you. It feels unnecessary when there's so much work to be done. It feels unattainable when you can barely find time to eat lunch, let alone go to a yoga class or take that bubble bath everyone keeps talking about.

Let me be clear: those are myths. And they're keeping you from living the life you actually want.

Self-care isn't about bubble baths and face masks (though if that's your thing, go for it!). It's about recognizing that you can't pour from an empty cup. It's about understanding that taking care of yourself isn't taking away from anyone else – it's equipping you to show up better for everyone, including yourself.

Discovering Your Personal "Why" for Self-Care

Here's what I've learned through my own journey: it's easy to neglect self-care when you don't have a strong personal reason behind it. When it's just another thing on your to-do list, it'll be the first thing to go when life gets busy. And life is always busy.

So let's uncover your why. Not mine, not your best friend's, not what you see on Instagram. Yours.

Reflecting on Your Needs

Take a moment and ask yourself these questions. Really ask them. Not while you're doing three other things, but sitting still, being honest with yourself:

What areas of my life feel neglected right now? Is it your health? Your sleep? Those personal goals you keep saying you'll get to "someday"? Your relationships?

What is draining my energy the most? And I mean really draining you – to the point where you feel like you're running on fumes by 2 PM.

When was the last time I did something just for me? Not for your kids, not for work, not for your partner. Just for you, because you wanted to.

If you're sitting there thinking "I can't remember" or feeling that familiar knot of exhaustion and resentment, your self-care tank is empty. Maybe it's been empty for a while.

Taking Action

Here's what I want you to do – and I mean actually do, not just think about doing. Write down three things that currently drain your energy. Be specific. Then, next to each one, brainstorm one way you could reduce or manage it.

For example: If social obligations exhaust you and leave you feeling depleted instead of energized, it's time to start saying no. Not maybe. Not "I'll think about it." Just no. To events that don't align with your priorities, to commitments that don't serve you, to obligations you're only doing because you think you "should."

Your time is valuable. Your energy is precious. Stop giving it away to things that drain you.

Creating Your Self-Care Vision Statement

A self-care vision statement might sound formal, but trust me on this – it's a game changer. It helps you stay motivated and intentional when life gets chaotic and you're tempted to put yourself last again.

Here's how to write yours:

Fill in these blanks with what's true for you:

"I prioritize self-care because it helps me _______________. When I take care of myself, I feel _______________. My commitment to self-care allows me to _______________."

Here's an example:

"I prioritize self-care because it helps me be a more present and patient mom. When I take care of myself, I feel energized, happy, and in control of my life. My commitment to self-care allows me to pursue my goals while still showing up fully for my family."

Write your statement. Put it somewhere you'll see it every morning. On your bathroom mirror, in your planner, as your phone background. Wherever you need that reminder that you matter too.

Keep Coming Back to Your Why

Self-care isn't about escaping your responsibilities. It's about equipping yourself to handle them with more energy, clarity, and joy. It's about recognizing that you're not a bottomless well of energy and patience, and that's okay. You're human.

Small, consistent steps lead to big changes. And you deserve to feel your best.

Keep going back to your why. And if what you're doing still doesn't feel right, reflect and pivot. Try something different. Adjust. Evolve.

Remember Shonda Rhimes' quote from the top of this post: "The worst thing that can happen is you fail, but you're already failing yourself by not living the life you want."

Keep striving for the life you want. Not the life everyone else expects you to live. Not the life that looks good on paper but leaves you empty inside. The life that fills you up. The life where you're not just surviving, but actually thriving.

Because you deserve it.

Live You. Love You.